Saturday, August 15, 2009
i should not have went blog-hopping. now this stupid phobia of mine just became worse k.maybe i should just start to avoid everything that has got to do about him.pick up all that shards, and leave without a trace or something more emo.i should just disintegrate from the surface of the earth or something. i hate myself for being the most foolish person on earth like how i am the nicest person on earth.im just not good enough to deserve to have that lovely but improbable dream of mine to come true.my childish and wishful thinking.and i realised it is not just me, there are so many others out there. better than me in any way.more matured,not as superficial as me,cleverer,english better than me,less vulgar than me,more responsible,not as dao as me,doesnt scream and go crazy,doesnt fangirl,doesnt play uno during champs,have rings,chio-er,skinnier,taller,everything.and the list can go on forever.infinite.very long.-insert something more emo please-(because i know my english is not that good to type, you know, those kind of stuffs. that is touching and gan3 ren2 and everything.)(that's just me, and that's why i hate myself.)i suck lah. i already knew that certain stuffs are never going to happen and yet i still remain on this same spot, like how i was few years ago.Labels: emo
Thursday, July 23, 2009
i wonder when i will get to see wuyuetian again.
probably not on 28july?
not on 28/29 august either.
sad.
no one will go with me anyway. it's too late, too far, too troublesome.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
i wasted so much tears for nothing.
time to face it.
stop thinking about tuesday already you stupid retarded idiot dorothy.
but i really want to go.
just coop up in your hole and cry and start telling yourself to stop dreaming.
i.must.smile.cos.im.not.sad.at.all.
Labels: emo, wuyuetian
Sunday, July 19, 2009
感觉我好像很多愁善感
遇到一点小小挫折就放弃不干了
我好没用啊
i just cant come up with better, less ridiculous ideas.
even telling others about those ideas makes me feel embarrassed of my own idiocy.
tests exist only to whack out all the confidence i have in myself.
Labels: emo
Saturday, July 4, 2009
i think im going to miss mr boey ><LOL but i wonder if he will miss us.
he gave us (2J girls) some hello kitty marshmellow thingy yesterday, and gave the guys some weird blue long looking something. dont know what it is.
and i ate it in class.
heheheh.
(this laughter reminds me of how ken laughed during lang arts lesson ytd when mrs look had the 自知之明 to know that she cant walk through the rows of tables that were rather squeezy.)
HAHA.
(and this laughter reminds me of how mr seetoh laughed at mag when he remembered that she was from com club and was his art rep. "you are from infocomm right? HAHA." guai4 pi4 sia.)
ROFLMAO.
(and this reminds me of mag.)
i laugh my ass out.
(this is me.)
okay dont laugh liao.
this is retarded LOL.
anyway, i think that was mr boey's last day of school?
and he is going to indiaa~~ doing something that people wont usually do. then study.
so mysterious for what LOL.
volunteer? missionary (:o i dont think he is a Christian? nvm)? go visit mr suria? (LOL)
bon voyage~~ must come back to sg in one piece. and get a PhD back or something!! ahaha.
thank you for the marshmellows. quite nice ahahaha.
we keep kena change form teachers one leh. so irritating.
lynn was quite emo when he bade the final goodbye to us.
mr see, ms teo, mr boey, then mr suria AND mr seetoh.
we have like 2 form teachers, and 1 co-form. 3 TEACHERS! siao one leh.
then mr suria is going to do reservice in ns next week. last year also like that. walao. physics gone liao LOL.
and the thought of leaving makes me sad too.
i dont think i will bear to leave
twojuicy. im going to miss all the nice people over there.and maybe even the not-so-nice ones.
after all, everyone was a part of 2J. without anyone, it will seem weird.
like, without lynn, kirsten, kelvin, ken, zhaoyuan (during chinese lesson), lessons will be really quiet. no one would be there to answer questions when the teachers ask. no one will scream or play netball in class during recess.
without chenfang and peihao, our class will really be screwed. they did a great job.
without the quiet people and the not-so-outstanding ones, our class will be a great big explosion in the oven or something. damn noisy.
without the people i hate, school would not have been fun. i wouldnt have anyone to scold and ridicule. LOL.
even sam had a part in the funny memories. example, singing in class. and being our last year E&C idol thing.
and the cleanest class award.
and the chalet.
daidi.
bbq.
friends.
mdm tia making us ALL stay back to do cleanliness duty.
year one orientation. cheer like siao.
xingchun and eesheng sat beside me during the pass-a-rubber-band-with-a-straw game. tian ah.
i suddenly remember i owe kelvin $2.50 for the mcdonalds' meal during last year's teachers day. omg.
not having the west msia trip was a pity, and a regret.
i dont want to go to year 3.
);
twojuicytoresist is <3Labels: emo, random, twojuicy
Saturday, May 30, 2009
i feel...
i dont know what i feel actually.
many thoughts buzzing around.
and walao, mosquitoes buzzing around too. zz.
i want to go, and i dont want to go.
homework.
projects.
cca.
no money.
i want him to go and i dont want him to go.
does God love me?
why dont i feel any joy..
..at all?
why do i not feel like reaching out to others..
i made zero effort to do so.
what's wrong with me?
what's my freaking problem.
camp. malaysia people. cca. suck. suck. suck. suck.
pon cca.
cip.
there are so many stuffs on my mind. when i go blog-hopping, i realised that many people are happy (i guess). h.a.p.p.y. it is such a simple word, yet i can't seem to practice it in my life. if others can do it, why can't I?
Labels: emo
Friday, May 29, 2009
i feel reluctant to tell you the reason why im emo.
its another case of i-want-to-say-but-i-dont-want-to-say thing.
maybe it's because when i compare my worries and your worries, i realise that mine is really nothing to waste time on. it is too small to regard. maybe it is even negligible.
don't worry. i will be fine.
Labels: emo
Saturday, May 23, 2009
friday was like tuesday. i wonder how many times I must go through this.
one moment i was happy, something that hasn't been visiting for a long time i think. then i was sucked down into this bottomless vaccuum, with nothing but melancholy.
my parents are the triggers.
i am sick of them.
i think they are sick of me too. with my gloomy face and zero appetite for any food.
what they did not realise was that i was smiling when i was at the doorstep yesterday night. then, all that was left was..
i dont know.
tears?
i should not be happy anymore. there will always be something big enough to shatter me into bits again after my short-lived happiness.
sad.
Labels: emo
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
i am weak.
i let my dad sign my chinese paper.
then he said, "做么你退步了?"
i was like, "A1 liao." in a tiny voice.
then i turned ont the comp, pulled down my hair,
and started crying.
i know it.
i really suck right.
even my dad says so.
sebas, thanks for believing i can do it.
but i know i cant.
cant make it.
Labels: emo
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
i know you wont read this but whatever.
im going to say this anyway.
i know i'm a liar.
cos i promised to hang on.
but i really cannot make it.
everytime i see jap homework, my heart just sinks.
like really sinks to some hell seabed or something.
i cant go on pon-ing, so i might as well quit.
maybe you can handle that stress,
but i can't, you know.
i'd rather get my good gpa back than trying so hard for jap, struggling like an idiot for some alien thing.
to me, it's not worth it, especially not at the expanse of my results, time and energy.
i don't have any motivation.
it's just meaningless.
i know i shouldn't have made empty promises.
im really sorry..
but i can't help it.
i know apologies are not going to work, but i don't know what else to say.
sorry xuewen. ):
i feel like a walking zombie.
Labels: emo
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
just went to his blog and scanned through blog entries.
realised he dint update (zz) so read his tags.
then yeah.
wanted to know more about 'those girls' around him.
but i was like. should I do this, or not.
in the end, i read halfway through the second page of his cobx.
and gave up.
it's time yeah.
to get over with him.
because,
it's hard to accept it but,
i dont really mean much anymore.
sigh.
im so emo-kia-ish.
not that i want to.
Labels: emo
Thursday, January 22, 2009
none of my plans really succeeded.and i guess none ever will.tmr is not going to be any better than today.no school, no kbox, no outing, no friends, no talk, no life, no nothing.i wish i had regular school lessons.at least i still have a lunatic beside me and mag and rae during recess.and i have jap/cca. no need to worry about having people around me.tomorrow.cant imagine what is going to happen.i wont have anyone to talk to after school.cos they will be caught up among themselves, and i will remain as that invisible woman passerby A.and..i dont know.i wish im sick, down with fever, stuck at home.Labels: emo
Saturday, January 17, 2009
great.
my bro just asked me about how to do L x B x H.
whether L needs to be in front or not.
or if there is some specific order.
then i was like,
there's no order of multiplication!!
then he was like,
i thought L need to be in front..
then i said,
you dont believe, dont believe lah! ask me for what.
then he went back to his table and started crying silently.
then dad come.
then say,
no need to say until like that..
blablah.
yah i feel guilty.
like everything i did was wrong. things doesnt go through my head before i do anything, everything. just like what i wrote for chnese compo. 我是一个冲动的人。i just do what seems to be the thing to do at that moment. and when it turns out wrong, i feel regret slamming into my face. then i cant do anything to salvage the matter. or im too thick-skinned to even try salvage the matter, like saying sorry to my bro. i wish i was someone else, someone else who could at least use her brains to think about the consequences of her actions. i dont know where to start. i feel helpless/hopeless. someone murder that qian4bian3 personality of mine.
Labels: emo